i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
