ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
