New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
