I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
