Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
