He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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