I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
