I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
