Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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