SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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