Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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