Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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