I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
