everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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