alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
