Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
