that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
