Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
