How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
