Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
