The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
