He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
