YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
