I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
