I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
