girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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