tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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