apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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