We named our party play list daddy issues
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
