all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
