I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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