How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
