We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
