Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
