Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
