It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
