What a fucking waste of an outfit
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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