he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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