Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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