You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
