I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
