I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
