I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
