So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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