Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
