Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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