If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
