Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
