I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
