I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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