NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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